Lillian Lincoln Lambert

A couple of months ago, I experienced the death of an older brother with whom I was very close. After his death, I spent time assisting his wife with the myriad of things that must be dealt with following the death of a spouse. He had a will which made settling his estate a bit easier. Even with that, there were things which we both wished he had done more thoroughly.
As I reflected on my brother’s life I reminisced about his many good qualities – though he had a few undesirable ones as well – and what a wise person he was. During conversations he would often blurt out some saying or words of wisdom which seemed appropriate to the conversation. A few weeks after his death I read an article titled: Two Kinds of Legacy. As I read it I wished my brother had done what this article suggested.
The article talked about a person leaving a will, called a legacy, to distribute assets. But, as the article points out, legacy has a deeper meaning. In addition to the will to distribute assets, it recommended people leave an ethical will which passes on wisdom and good wishes to future generations. This can be a letter or some other document that conveys the person’s values, convictions, advice and hopes for future generations. This written document reflects the person’s experience during the journey through life.
What would you put in your ethical will? Writing such a document can have an impact on your own life, causing you to examine your life and adjust your own priorities. It could change your prospective. Because this document is about ethics, it can become a moral compass that helps loved ones navigate their way to worthy and happy lives. Give it a try. Once you start writing down all your thoughts, it may be hard to stop.

The word family has a different meaning to each person. A family can include a few people or many. It’s how the people interact and relate to each other that gives meaning to the word.

For me, growing up on a farm in rural Virginia, family meant my parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and most of the neighborhood. Many of the neighbors were referred to as aunt, uncle or cousin even though there was no biological connection. Neighbors treated each other as family, visiting, supporting and helping each other, disciplining each other’s children and giving helpful feedback when it seemed appropriate. Because the neighbors worked together, we as children were afraid to misbehave because we knew the consequences whether from our parents, other relatives or neighbors.

Recently, I returned from our 12^th bi-annual family reunion. These are always such joyous occasions as we meet in different parts of the country. Each year there is someone who has not previously attended while many of us have never missed one. Frequently family members invite friends who then become adopted family members. This entitles them to be added to the directory to receive mailings about future reunions.

Our initial reunion was started by my mother in 1987 in our hometown of Powhatan, VA, where she grew up as a child. Over the years we have traveled to Washington, DC, Saddlebrook, New Jersey, Charlotte, NC, Atlanta, GA, Baltimore, MD, Richmond, VA and Wilmington, NC. A few years ago a family member designed a family crest and we adopted the motto: “Strength Through Unity.”

As we progress through the years and the original organizers begin enjoying their golden years, it is refreshing to see the younger generation taking up the reigns. With the younger family members assuming that responsibility, reunions can have an infinite life

I found this reading and thought it was a great one to share. The author is anonymous but the message is powerful.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn’t feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I learned most of life’s lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn’t looking I looked at you and wanted to say, ‘Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.’

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Class members attend reunions with a variety of emotions. Some attend on a regular basis, at least for a number of years. Others will not attend for years and maybe never.

It is interesting to watch the reactions of attendees at a reunion. Some are full of energy and actively working the room like a salesperson that has a quota to meet. Others are more subdued and scan the room to see if they recognize anyone. Then there are the wall flowers who still are not comfortable mingling.

Spouses come in a variety of forms. There are those who stay close to their class reunion spouse waiting to be introduced – some will introduce themselves. Then there are those who hang back and observe the surroundings. Others make it obvious that they are there against their will. Some just don’t bother to attend.

Having just returned from my reunion at Howard University, I saw few classmates that I recognized. Some were familiar but names did not readily register. However, everyone seemed more authentic. This was only my second reunion since graduating many years ago. When I attended the first a few years after graduation, I vowed not to attend another because I found mixing very difficult. I was single at the time so went alone. However, after years of maturity I decided to attend and even agreed to be the class agent, which meant using my name as signature for the fundraising letter and of course making a contribution which I do anyway.

The second reunion was more enjoyable than the first. I guess it was the maturity over the years. I went alone this time also even though I was married. My husband and I agreed that he would probably not enjoy attending and I would find it easier to socialize being alone. I do believe that attending reunions more frequently produces better results. Doing so makes it possible to stay connected with classmates, meet new alumni and broaden your network.

I advise today’s graduates to stay connected with classmates and other alumni immediately upon graduation. You never know when you could use a “helping hand” or give help with employment, career advice or other important issues. What better resources than those who have traveled the same or similar road as you through college.

I have always known that it is the small things in life that really matter. That fact was made more obvious to me over this Father’s Day weekend.

It began on Saturday when I arrived home from running errands.  My husband had received some father’s day cards in the mail and he had them lined up on the dining room table like toy soldiers in a row. With a big smile on his face he asked if I read the card from our youngest daughter. We are a blended family, each of us with adult children when we married.  I have two daughters and my husband has two daughters and one son. This card was from my youngest daughter. In essence it said though they did not share the same genes and were not related by blood, they were related by love. She added her personal note which said “To an awesome father!”  My husband said the card brought tears to his eyes.

Sunday added to his joy. We attended church service together. I was in the choir and he was in the congregation. Shortly after service started, in walked my husband’s son, his daughter, granddaughter and grandson. The look on his face as they approached him at the pew where he was sitting was the look of a kid who just saw his favorite toy under the Christmas tree. He was not expecting any of them. His face glowed throughout the service.  On the way home, he commented that this was one of the best father’s days he can remember. Except for weddings or funerals, he and his son had not worshiped together for years.

How often do we miss opportunities to bring joy to someone by a very simple deed?