Lillian Lincoln Lambert

Those who know me well know that I am an avid golfer. That does not mean my game is impressive. I’d say it is “average” for someone who took up the game at age 46.  I will get up early and travel distances to play a round. Weather does, however, impact my decision to play. I will not go out in the rain and if it starts raining during a game, I will probably quit. Likewise, temperatures must be in the 50’s to entice me.

I am fortunately to be able to play golf year round. Spring and summers are spent in Virginia where I play in a league once a week and try to get in an extra day with my husband. During the fall and winter I am in Florida and play in a league with a second day of play most weeks.

Golf is not a game I ever thought I would play and certainly not enjoy. I used to think this had to be the dumbest game in the world! How could there be any enjoyment in hitting a little white ball until it finally gets into a hole. But once I started, I was intrigued by the challenge of the game. I do like a challenge!

As I progressed in learning the rules and etiquette of the game, I began to draw many parallels between the game of golf and the game of life.  In golf, your partner will sometimes give a mulligan (that is a second change to hit the ball after a bad shot). When that happens to me, I am grateful for being given a second chance to start my game on the right foot. So it is with life. Every day that I wake up in good health— a good frame of mind is a bonus—I see it as God’s way of giving me a second chance to improve the life that has been given to me.

However, a second chance, in both life and golf, comes with no guarantees. We may get it right, or we may get it wrong. In both cases, it’s up to us to stay focused on the goal of continuously improving ourselves and taking responsibility for the outcome. In the end, the game of life and the game of golf are a competition with oneself. In golf, it’s futile to blame the weather, the ball, the terrain, or the people we play with for a bad round. In life, it does us no good to blame others when things don’t turn out the way we want. Although we might not master every day or win every game, the key is to see each one as another chance to improve our game or our life.

We all look for ways to improve ourselves. Many of these improvements are easy things over which you have control. These are five things I suggest you examine.

1. Make plans for your life. Don’t just wait for things to happen or wait for someone to guide your life. You alone are responsible for your happiness. You must first be content with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. If you are happy with yourself you can share that happiness and become even happier.

2. Have big dreams for yourself. As I frequently say to my audiences: “Dream big, act, bold and pave your own path to where you want to go.

3. You are a unique person so don’t compare yourself to others. No two people were created exactly the same. Instead each person has different qualities and a different purpose in life.  Use your uniqueness to your advantage. See yourself as different but not better or worse than others.

4. Trust yourself. You know yourself better than anyone. While it is good to seek advice from others and listen to what they have to say,  it is important to be able to filter advice. Use what seems applicable and discard the rest.

5. Be willing to change. Nobody likes change particularly when we get used to the status quo. Change is sometimes good and necessary. As you mature in life examine where you are and where you want to go. Then, don’t be afraid to make those changes that will get or keep you on the right path.

While these are applicable in your personal life they are useful in your career as well.

I love to travel.  Through travel I am exposed to many people from other parts of the country as well as other parts of the world. I have learned so much about different cultures and the way of life for others. That has given me an appreciation and respect for the beliefs and lies of those I meet.  It does not matter whether I agree with or even understand the differences I see, I can still respect them.

Sitting in Durban, South Africa in a lovely bed and breakfast I reflect on the similarities and differences of this trip and my trip to Johannesburg, Port Elizabeth and Capetown, South Africa three years ago.  On this trip my experience has gone from  intellectual discussions at the largest university here to an authentic Indian dinner in the home of an Indian couple and their two lovely daughters to learning about and some limited experiences of the Zulu life.  The trip three years ago was longer and covered more territory, including Robben Island (where Nelson Mandela was incarcerated), Soweto Wine Festival and The Apartheid Museum.  Each experience was unique.  I learned a lot about apartheid from the people who lived through it and the changes in South African life since it ended. What humiliation they endured and the strength they exhibited to live through it and talk about it.

Travel also makes me appreciate and be more thankful what I have; not complain about my problems and move ahead with a purpose in life.

No matter what you do, you must be able to live with yourself. If, early in your life, you establish the values by which you will live, this moral compass will direct you in whatever you do. Clearly define your values and commit to live by them

           My moral compass was established growing up on my family’s small farm. At that time, I did not appreciate the values my parents tried to instill in me. We did not have much in the way of material things but we had things that money could not buy, such as love, support and a faith in God. That training coupled with strong families who supported each other helped me develop a moral system that would direct my life.

            Knowing yourself is crucial as you are faced with ethical choices, as you communicate with others who have different ideas or even as you make day-to-day decisions. If you are clear about your own values, priorities and preferences and not let society or someone else define them for you, you can better articulate what you want and make better choices. Never compromise yourself or your values but maintain the highest standards of excellence and integrity. So cultivate a moral compass that not only protects your reputation but more important, protects your soul.

It’s been two weeks since I wrote my last blog. So much has happened since then. It seems that every place where I had a book event, I either was a day ahead or a day behind the snow storm. Only one event was cancelled, Mary Baldwin College, Staunton, VA, and plans are underway to reschedule.

After a successful book signing at Barnes & Noble, Libbie Ave, Richmond, VA, on Feb 13, I headed to New York City for a signing at Hue-Man Book store on Feb 16. It was snowing when we landed at LaGuardia and snowed all day, stopping just before the scheduled signing at 6 PM. Despite the snow a good crowd showed up and about half of them purchased books, a good percentage. The next night, Feb 17, I was one of three participants on a panel discussion at Harvard Club of New York, The other panelists were Ilene Lane, President & CEO, Catalyst and Selena Cuffe, President & CEO, Heritage Link Brands, a company that imports wines from South Africa. This was interesting and offered great networking opportunities.

An early flight back to Richmond, VA on Feb 18 was necessary in order to make the two-hour drive to Alexandria, VA for an event at Alexandria Black History Museum at 6 PM. In a wonderful, intimate setting with homemade goodies (made by my sister-in-law) we had a great evening surrounded by a few feet of piled up snow. The next night, Feb 19 took me to DC where I was honored with a reception in recognition of my induction into Enterprising Women Hall of Fame on March 18 in Miami. My good friend and golfing buddy, Susan Peterson, President & CEO, The Communication Center hosted the reception. Saturday, Feb 20 took me to Politics & Prose, a great independent bookstore on Connecticut Ave, DC where I had a book signing. Thankfully , I sold lots of books and saw some people whom I had not seen for years.

Sunday, Feb 21, I enjoyed visiting Mt. Pero Baptist Church, the church where I grew up as a child. Though few of my contemporaries were there, it was good to see many of their family. That afternoon, I flew to Boston to speak at two schools – Belmont High School, Boston and Galvin Middle School, Wakefield. Got out of Boston a day before a predicted snow storm, headed for Sarasota, FL. On Wed. Feb 24, SisterSpace and University of FL, Gainesville hosted a signing in the newly constructed Alumni Center at U of FL, Gainesville. I had the opportunity to interact with some very intelligent, interesting students. With students such as those, our future is in good hands.

I closed out the week in Columbia, SC where I attended the South Carolina Book Festival. I was part of a three-person panel of authors who had all written memoirs. Each of us was quite different. Joining me on the panel was Jackie Cooper, a southern gentleman and Shelia Morris an acknowledged lesbian. This was a fantastic two days. I met so many authors, made some valuable contacts and sold some books. What more could I ask!

On Mar 4, I head to Boston for three days of events. Will report back later.