Lillian Lincoln Lambert

(Reprinted from article by Rubel Shelly)*

Many things about your life boil down to the hand you have been dealt. You can’t change the fact that you were born in that place and with certain givens for your appearance, IQ, or physical skills. Education and training can open some doors for you, but they cannot change your past, make you taller and more athletic, or alter the fact that some people are unfair in the way they treat you.

In spite of the fact that all of us know that most of our life circumstances are beyond our control, we are all still tempted to fret and complain about things that cannot be changed. Of course they cause distress. They certainly put us at a disadvantage in certain contexts. They mustn’t be allowed to define and limit us.

The people who do best with life move beyond the temptation to whine and feel sorry for themselves. They face the disappointment and move beyond it. They acknowledge the bad break and look for a way to turn it around. They work from a half-full rather than half-empty glass mindset.

These people have a different attitude than the defeatist and whiner. They have found a way to make lemonade from their lemons.

When a given day begins, countless things are headed your way over which you have no control. It may be bad weather or someone’s bad temper, a deadline that won’t budge or a client equally resistant to change. The one factor you can control through it all is your attitude toward them.

Your attitude today will make all the difference in everything that matters.

*Rubel Shelly is a Preacher and Professor of Religion and Philosophy located in Rochester Hills, Michigan.

Who would think that a group of women dressed in high, medium or low-heel red pumps could have such an impact on each other? That is exactly what happened at the first annual conference of the Red Pump Nation held in Richmond, VA. This conference is the result of a vision by Rev. Tanya Jones to establish an organization of business and professional Christian women to inspire, motivate and empower women to pursue their destiny. The theme “The Time is Now” brought together enthusiastic women from a variety of backgrounds – from doctors to those who are unemployed. They rubbed shoulders together as they listened to speakers and discussed their uniqueness as women.

Speakers delivered empowering messages on such topics as: It’s Time to Tell Your Story – encouraging those who have the desire to put their stories into a book for either their own personal use or for the public; It’s Time to Start Your Business – for those who may have thought of starting a business but fearful of making that uncertain move; It’s Time to Keep Believing – for those who have had so many misfortunes that they want to give up on life; and It’s Time to Take Care of Yourself – impressing upon the women that though we are usually known as nurturers, it very important to take care of ourselves.

A highlight of the conference was the first Red Pump Award, a beautiful engraved, glass, high-heeled red pump. The recipient was an eighty-eight year old woman who in her late seventies started The Neighborhood Assistance Program. She saw a growing need in her community for families needing assistance with food service. The need was so great it expanded to include household items. To keep inventory available for the program, she travels around the city and approaches supermarkets and other outlets to get the items she needs to serve her community. In addition to this community project she still serves as musician for two church choirs in the area. What a magnificent spirit of giving this woman demonstrates. There is a lesson here for the young and old.

Being selected for Oprah Winfrey’s Book Club is the dream of a lifetime for any author. Uwem Akpan, a Jesuit priest from Nigeria, realized that dream when his book of short stories, “Say You’re One of Them”, was selected for her Book Club. Though written as fiction, it reflects experiences that are real for many children in Africa.

Oprah adopted a new approach to the book club for this selection. In collaboration with CNN, represented by Anderson Cooper, the entire world was able to participate through a live webcast. The author appeared to discuss his stories and how he developed each of them. Participants were able to submit questions and some were chosen to appear on the telecast. In addition, Anderson Cooper showed films of the research done on trips made to various parts of Africa by him and other reporters. It was a touching experience to be a part of this webcast.

One of the things uppermost in the author’s mind was how normal it is for children in Africa to sniff glue. Many are given the glue by their parents. He made the comparison to the large number of children in America who also sniff glue. The difference, he pointed out, is that the children in Africa do so to mask their hunger. If they are high they won’t realize that they are hungry. In America, young people sniff glue to get high, just for the pleasure.

A question he could not reconcile in his mind is why so many youngsters in America fail to capitalize on the many opportunities they have while those in Africa will go through unthinkable struggles to take advantage of the limited opportunities available to them.

For America, so much talent is being wasted as we continue to lose our position of strength around the world. How do we stop the bleeding?

As a young student at Howard University in the early 60”s, not sure of what I wanted to study, I was intrigued by the description of a course: Introduction to Business. I signed up. Little did I realize then but that one decision changed the course of my life. Not only did it help me decide my major field of study but it connected me with a very important person who became my mentor – the professor who taught the course.

I define a mentor as “someone who has checked out the minefield and can point out the mines before you step on them”. Mentor relationships can be formal or informal depending on the needs of the persons involved. In my case it was informal –no hard, fast rules. A true mentor helps in guiding your development, but not for personal gain. You can choose a mentor or someone may choose you (with your approval, of course) because they see a need that you may not recognize. In my case, the professor chose me though I’m not sure what he saw missing in my development. My guess is that he saw me as a “fish out of water” an older freshman student (22 versus 18) trying to find my way in an environment which was totally new to me. He helped guide me in the selection of my courses, hired me as his student assistant and influenced me to pursue my graduate study at none other than the Harvard Business School.

During the course of a career, a person may have multiple mentors at different stages as the career develops and changes. As you experience changes and growth in your career don’t be reluctant to seek out a mentor if no one seeks you out. Most people are honored to be asked for guidance. If you do have a mentor, be sure you pass it forward by becoming one yourself.

Our second day in Boston stop was at the Sister of the Poor which is a residence for seniors, both infirmed and ambulatory. They were so happy to see us. Some of these residents have few, if any, visitor. Our intent was to tell them about the Hope project and have each of the speakers speak. Our plan changed when we realized how anxious they were to talk to us. They were then asked to tell us about their lives. Bob started. It was obvious that he had difficulty speaking but that did not stop him even though the director had to interpret much of what he said. A 90-year old lady told us how she loved to dance and danced a lot in her youth. Another woman told of her many games of tennis and the trophies she had won. Before we left everyone in the room had spoken except one lady who arrived late. After they spoke I was asked to share my experience at Harvard Business School. Bob, the first to speak who considers himself the official tour guide, then took us to visit those residents who were not able to come down from their rooms.

The first stop on day two was at Boston’s Women Fund where we met with Arlene Snyder, Director of Philanthropy. The Fund supports community-based organizations in the Greater Boston Area that are run by women and girls. She shared with us that as a small charity they have been greatly affected by the downtown in the economy.

From there we visited with Strong Women Strong Girls. This organization has an intriguing concept Their mission is to build upon the lessons learned from strong women throughout history to help girls and young women become strong women themselves. They work with schools and emphasis girls in grades 3-5 to help them build positive self-esteem and skills for life-long success. There are chapters on some college campuses where the students volunteer as mentor. Having opened an office in Miami, their goal is to become a national operation. They asked me to share my story after which we discussed my returning at some point to talk to the girls and young women. Something I would love to do.

Our final Boston stop was Hope in Bloom where we visited the home of a stage 4 cancer patient who is in remission. Hope in Bloom plants indoor and outdoor gardens at the homes of women and men who have breast cancer. Healing gardens are said to have therapeutic value that support the emotional and psychological needs of patients and their families. In addition to viewing the beautiful garden we were treated to homemade chocolate chip cookies and cider. What a great way to end my first leg of the tour. Then off to the airport for my return to Virginia.